Lately writing has been a vicious batty cycle-- which is pretty reflective of my recent inner struggle. My inconsistent feels have created an ultimate rift in the content that I want to write about versus what I need to get out of my head. In the spirit of being real, its only fair that I fully divulge. I am master of making things look chummy all the time, the ultimate bullshitter, though that's not always the story. There is always a side of shit. Always. Maybe even multiple sides.
In my previous posts I've heralded and raved about the beauty of my new start, but as with anything it has a dark side as well, the shit. Maryland has been surreal, cool, and magical, it's also been terrifying, isolating, and lonely. Like lonely af.
The move has made me appreciate all the relationships that I have back in Arkansas. It is strange when you build up such a strong network of people, to move to another state a thousand miles away. It is even more strange that when you hear your name being called in a public place, that it is very unlikely the person is calling for you. At first I thought this was pretty cool. I could go to Walmart or Target looking like a rageddy Anne doll and not worry about running into anyone. Then after a few months I was over that and yearning for a familiar bump. I didn't want to start over in so many unthinkable ways. Some of these ways are refreshing, but some painstaking. It's always the simple things that stand out so much in life. I think I took for granted the warm welcoming "cheers" feeling I felt in NWA ( I know that's a lot of cheese there).
Making new friends is pretty awkward in the real world, outside of my normal settings, i.e. school, college, work. Almost every person and friend I had in AR thought that I would make friends so easily here because I am so outgoing. WRONG! Making friends is not that easy. So it's been a little rough. I am so grateful to have my wonderful boyfriend to hang with, but everyone needs a friend other than their significant other. I need like three.
Being without friends really has begun to take a toll on me. So this has been the downer to my new exciting experience. Transitions aren't easy and without struggle. Don't let all the hype fool ya.
Pardon if this post seems hacked and patched together, because it sort of is. I guess that's what makes it more authentic, which is my true intention. This is the real deal. Until next time my happy tree frog friends, stay cool and keep on going because everything in life is temporary. I'm not gonna lie I can't wait to end this temporary no friend thing lol. Anyone in the Maryland/DC area need a friend? I do.